Ballerinas
A tribute to my mother, Jane, and the life she lived.
Deep Life Reflections | Essay 98 | James Gibb
Grief changes the world by removing someone who has always been there, but love remains in what they gave us.
My mother, Jane, passed away in the early hours of January 25 after a courageous 18-month battle with Alzheimer’s disease. She was kind, compassionate, intelligent, and strong. Qualities that shaped not just my life, but those of everyone who knew her.
She loved to read and reflect, and was one of my biggest supporters when I launched Deep Life Journey and began writing Deep Life Reflections. Every Friday, this space has always been one of reflection, exploration, and ideas, and there’s no moment in life that invites deeper reflection than loss, especially the loss of a mother.
Mum wouldn’t have wanted fanfare, but I think she’d be okay with me sharing a few words. As a nurse, she understood care, healing, and the cathartic power that words can bring in times of grief.
Grief is a strange thing. It arrives in waves, some small, some tidal. It is a cruel yet inevitable part of life to experience the devastating loss of a parent. It releases a flood of emotions, but one of the most surreal is realising you now exist in a world without someone who has always been there.
More than grief, I feel gratitude for the life she lived, the lessons she taught, and the love that remains. This past week, as we’ve come together as a family, we’ve shared memories and moments that capture who Mum truly was.
She always wanted to lighten the load of another, and it’s in this spirit that I write this tribute to her life.
Jane’s Life in Moments
A cutting from The Leicester Mercury newspaper, December 28, 1966
Jane at the tender age of 18 as a nurse on Christmas Day, 1966, helping make it a special day for the children at Leicester Royal Infirmary Children’s Ward. She would dedicate more than 40 years of her life to the care of others.
Ship Inn, Saltburn beach, North Yorkshire. By local artist Ian Parkinson.
Saltburn was one of Jane’s favourite places to visit. She loved its serenity and charm, as well as its simple pleasures. It was a special place for her throughout her life.
Graduation Day
In mid-life, Jane went back to university, earning her degree in Nursing studies from Glasgow Caledonian University, making long daily commutes. She later became a lecturer there, guiding and inspiring the next generation of nurses.
The Dance Class, 1874, by Edgar Degas
One of Jane’s favourite paintings. When we moved her into a care home two days before Christmas, we brought this painting with us so she would have that comfort and familiarity in her final weeks.
Mum and I on the QE2, Dubai, 2018
Jane loved visiting places rich in culture and history, from the artistic beauty of Florence to the sacredness of Jerusalem. She visited me often in Dubai, too. Jane was a lifelong student of the world. In one of her nursing textbooks there’s a scribbled entry that simply says, “Failure leads to growth.” It was one of her mantras in life.
Jane Lesley Lockerbie
A loving wife to Allan, a kind-hearted Nana to Rowan and Anya, a nurturing sister to Pat and twins Ian and David, and a wonderful mother to me and my sister Georgina, Jane passed away peacefully in the early hours of January 25 after a courageous 18-month battle with Alzheimer’s disease. Allan, her devoted husband of more than twenty years, was by her side as she took her last breath. She was calm, peaceful, and surrounded by love.
Jane lived a full and meaningful life, defined by kindness, compassion, intelligence, and strength. She dedicated herself to caring for others, spending more than 40 years in nursing, from her early days as a staff nurse, to working as a practice nurse, and later, with Marie Curie, which she found the most special, helping elderly patients find dignity and care in their time of need. Her empathy, thoughtfulness, and caring nature made her an exceptional nurse who had a lasting impact on the lives of those she cared for. In mid-life, Jane earned her degree in Nursing Studies from Glasgow Caledonian University, later becoming a lecturer there, where she guided and inspired the next generation of nurses, something she was very proud of.
Jane’s curiosity, humility, and love of exploration were infectious. A lifelong reader and student of the world, she had a passion for learning, from politics, literature, and history, to film, travel and even the supernatural. She also had a wonderful sense of humour and loved to laugh, such an invaluable trait when facing the challenges of life.
She saw The Beatles live in her hometown of Leicester in 1966 and watched the historic moon landing in 1969 while on a staff break in the hospital ward. Jane had a real admiration for Princess Diana. She loved Diana’s dedication to caring for those who were vulnerable, her grace under pressure, and her ability to connect with people through kindness. Those were the very same qualities she embodied in her own life, including her volunteer work with Amnesty International.
Jane appreciated places of cultural and spiritual significance, from the artistic beauty of Florence to the unique cityscape of Hong Kong and the sacred holy sites of Jerusalem and Jordan. In more recent years, Jane and Allan loved traveling across the UK and Ireland in their trusty camper van, exploring picturesque villages and seaside towns. One of her favourite places was Saltburn-by-the-Sea, a place she loved for its serenity and charm, where she found peace in the gentle rolling of the sea, and the simple pleasures of ice cream and fish & chips. It was a place she visited throughout her life. It never changed. The tides rose and fell.
She also loved art. The Dance Class (1874) by Edgar Degas, part of his famous Ballerinas series, was one of her favourite paintings. It has hung in our home for as long as I can remember. It was also with her in her final weeks. I like to think she enjoyed the beauty and movement of the ballerinas, as well as recognising the perseverance and unseen strength behind every graceful moment. Perhaps that’s life right there.
Even in the face of her Alzheimer’s diagnosis, Jane displayed remarkable courage and dignity. Her ability to continue to put others first, guided by her strong values and deep love for her family, continues to inspire all those around her. She did not fear death. She spoke of it openly, seeing it simply as the next step in life’s cycle, a reflection of its beautiful impermanence. A reminder to cherish each day, each moment.
Her essence remains forever a part of all those she touched.
She is now luminous, timeless, eternal. Her light burns bright.
That is her gift to us.
Jane Lesley Lockerbie
March 13, 1948 — January 25, 2025
Always Loving, Always Loved