Deep Life Reflections: Friday Five
Issue 57 - The Black Keys
Welcome to Issue 57 of Deep Life Reflections, where I share five things I’ve been enjoying and thinking about over the past week. A special welcome to new subscribers.
In this week’s issue, we explore the pressures and anxieties faced by young people as discussed in Jonathan Haidt’s latest work, The Anxious Generation. We also meet the young virtuosos striving for musical excellence in the documentary, Pianoforte, and contemplate both the origins and solutions to perfectionism, looking at its impact on the next generation.
Join me as we explore this week’s Friday Five.
1. What I’m Reading
The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness. By Jonathan Haidt.
Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness makes a powerful case that the shift from play-based to phone-based childhoods is causing significant damage to young people. Haidt is a social psychologist who has been involved in debates about the effects of digital technology for years. His is an important voice. And this is a important book.
The Anxious Generation is heavily backed up by research and data. One study found the typical adolescent now gets 237 notifications a day, roughly 15 every waking hour. Sustained attention is essential for doing almost anything hard, creative, or valuable, yet young people find their attention carved up into little bits by notifications offering the possibility of high-pleasure, low-effort digital experiences. I’ve written about this before.
Haidt extends his critique to the broader cultural consequences of digital immersion, particularly during the crucial learning phase of 9 to 15 years. This period, traditionally enriched by intergenerational wisdom from adults, is now when most children get their first smartphone and sign themselves up—with or without parental permission—to consume vast oceans of content from random strangers. Much of that content is produced in a few seconds, typically by other adolescents. This ‘swap-out’ of content has created a generation largely cut off from older generations, and to some extent, Haidt argues, from the accumulated wisdom of humankind, including knowledge about how to live a fulfilling life.
This might all feel bleak, but Haidt points the way to a brighter future. His proposals include:
No smartphones before high school;
No social media before 16;
Phone-free schools;
More independence, free play, and responsibility in the real world.
Haidt’s research highlights that many parents are afraid to give children the level of independence and responsibility they themselves enjoyed when they were young, even though physical threats to children are considerably lower in recent decades.
Haidt urges a collective awakening to the perils of early digital saturation. His call to action is clear: we didn’t know what we were doing in the early 2010s. Now we do. It’s time to dismantle the phone-based childhood and reinstate a more balanced, enriching approach to child development.
2. What I’m Watching
Pianofortre. Directed by Jakub Piatek.
Competition can be brutal. Pianoforte, a 2023 Polish documentary, drops us into the white heat of such a battleground—the Chopin Competition. This is the world’s most prestigious musical competition, notable for being devoted entirely to the works of a single composer, in this case, Frédéric Chopin. Taking place every five years in Warsaw since 1927, the event sees young pianist virtuosos compete against each other over a grueling 21 days and four stages. They go through a process of elimination until only the winner is left standing.
The film follows several young musicians participating in the 2021 event, showcasing their incredible talent, the immense pressure they undergo to excel, and the sacrifices demanded by their art. Director Jakub Piatek uses the 90 minutes of film as skillfully as one of his featured virtuosos—capturing the thundering renditions of Chopin’s repertoire, their fingers expertly and vigorously striking keys. But he doesn’t omit the human element, capturing the nerve-racked musicians fidgeting, pacing, practicing, and ruminating over the smallest of details.
Piatek also takes an interest in the virtuosos individually, beyond the skills and techniques which the judges are solely focused on (and in this respect I couldn’t differentiate—they all sounded flawless to me as a layperson). What’s notable is the varied attitude towards their art form: some possess incredible drive motivated by passion; others are driven by an almost resentful devotion. Some seem able to relax and see the bigger picture; others see a world where only the piano exists. It challenges the popular narrative of predominately pushy parents, although that is certainly the case for a few.
The film also documents the complex relationship between the pianists and their instructors, most notably contrasted between the 17-year-old Russian prodigy, Eva Gevorgyan, and her stern, tough-love teacher, and Hao Rao, a softly spoken Chinese virtuoso whose maestro is nurturing and gentle, even motherly, stating that because she’s been teaching him from such a young age, she feels she’s raised him. They share laughs among the low moments. The film presents these student-teacher contrasts without judgment or commentary.
Just like a Chopin piece, Pianoforte is rich with feelings; the light and dark of the human experience. It also captures perfectly the sheer resilience required to pursue excellence in the unforgiving arena of professional music.
3. What I’m Contemplating
Do you consider yourself a perfectionist? If not, you probably know one. This week, reflecting on The Anxious Generation and Pianoforte, I’m contemplating both the origin and solution of these perfectionist pressures—whether they stem from parental ambition, societal standards, or self-imposed expectations.
In The Anxious Generation, Jon Haidt suggests the intense focus on academic achievement and the constant comparison enabled by digital devices can lead to a relentless pursuit of perfection. This pursuit often comes at the cost of children’s mental wellbeing. They bear the weight of not just meeting, but exceeding expectations in a society that increasingly equates self-worth with success. Similarly, Pianoforte portrays young musicians in the throes of competition, where only flawless performance is rewarded, highlighting the immense pressure that comes with the quest for perfection. Here, the pursuit is artistic rather than academic, but the psychological toll is no less significant.
The roots of perfectionism often stretch into our past and are complex. For some, it begins with parental voices that equate love with achievement, or in classrooms where only the highest grades receive acknowledgment. For others, it’s found in the portrayal of flawless lives on social media, where likes and shares are the currency of approval. In both The Anxious Generation and Pianoforte, we see how young people absorb these messages: the student who believes anything less than an A+ is a disappointment, the pianist who considers being a finalist not as an accomplishment but as an abject failure.
Striving for perfection can be a dangerous journey. Not only is it extremely difficult, it can also be fleeting, with a cost that far outweighs the reward. Instead, it can be beneficial to acknowledge when something is “good enough”, to celebrate effort and learning over results, and to define success in broader life terms, redefining personal benchmarks for success in a way that encourages self-compassion.
This approach embraces the imperfect and unique journey of growth and fulfilment, offering a healthier path forward for young people.
4. A Quote to note
“The more we shelter children from every disappointment, the more devastating future disappointments will be.”
- Fred G. Gosman.
5. A Question for you
Reflecting on your own upbringing and experiences, what lessons would you want to pass on to young people about dealing with pressure and expectations, particularly in the digital age?
Thanks for reading and being part of the Deep Life Journey community. If you have any reflections on this issue, please comment below. Have a great weekend.
James
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